Today is the day I have been dreading the most since we lost the baby back in October.Today is the day that Addison would of been born and I keep thinking of what if...Its crazy to know that if things went differently that I would have my child today. I am so full of mixed emotions I don't know what to feel and its very confusing .I feel empty and depressed all at the same time, I know they say things happen for a reason but it still doesn't hurt any less.
I know I must be driving Kenny crazy because I am obsessed with getting pregnant again, but I can't help it.I so very badly want a child .Its all I can think of. People say I should be grateful for Alexis and I am , but its not the same.I love her like my own, but I will never have the bond with her that she has with Vicki. I love Alexis and I want what is best for her and whats best for her is going to be taking her away from her birth mother for her own safety.I feel bad, but I would feel worse if something ever happened to Alexis because Vicki isn't taking care of her the right way.I mean every time we get Alexis she is dirty, wearing clothes that don't fit and she seems like she is starving, not to mention the bruises that I find on her..Plus Kenny's lawyer in a incompetent twit that does nothing to help him. I am just so frustrated right now
